The other day, I was on a call with a client and we discussed next steps as she pivots out of corporate leadership into entrepreneurship.
Much of our conversation focused on her fear of betting on herself. It’s an idea that’s also very much been on my mind as I move through change this summer.
The verb “to bet” is defined as:
Taking a risk on something, someone, or on an outcome (uncertainty. e.g. I bet that team wins the championship)
A feeling of surety (certainty. e.g. I bet he’ll show up tonight.)
How fascinating that the definition of this word contains two contradictory ideas: uncertainty and certainty.
Fear is a protective mechanism, one designed to help us avoid pain or harm.
For most of my life, I ran from the possibility of pain and therefore created a nasty habit of self-sabotage.
I hid behind a performer’s facile smile and a wary exterior of strength and control.
I hid behind hyper-independence and numbed myself with countless distractions - people, parties, recklessness, work, busyness.
Anything to avoid facing what I really feared.
The irony is not lost on me. In the process of avoiding pain, I inflicted pain onto myself.
But when the thick walls which had long provided me shelter from an unforgiving public eye - the defense mechanisms that helped me survive and overcome violence and terror - finally came crumbling down, the energy of life in all its blinding intensity poured in.
From black and white to a brilliant range of colors.
We must be willing to accept the possibility of pain if we want to experience joy.
Like so many things in life - like the very definition of the word “bet” - these diametrically opposed concepts are inextricably intertwined and integral components of our truths. They exist in the same space.
As long as we avoid one, we cannot embrace the other.
Yes, betting on ourselves involves risk. Risk is inevitable.
Life is inherently uncertain; therein lies its very beauty and tragedy.
Then where is the certainty in this bet?
The answer lives in us.
It exists in who we are: in the countless experiences that have shaped us; in the changes that have brought us to this present moment; in the power and potential intrinsic to every single one of us.
Regardless of what happens - whether it results in pain or elation, sadness or delight, disappointment or fulfillment - we remain certain of our ability to handle it.
It took me a very long time to understand that my fear of the pain resulting from disappointment, failure, rejection, judgment equated to my fear of joy and whether I was truly deserving of it.
You are worth the risk.
I’d bet on it.
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Overtures & Codas: Weekly Round-Up & Updates
Something very special will be happening on Monday. 👀All of you will be the first to know - please be on the lookout! Email will land in your inbox early in the morning.
I’ve been spending more time on LinkedIn recently. Would love to see you there!
If you missed it, Medium recently boosted my story “The Hidden Sky”. My next essay - in which I muse about dragons and the fragility of dreams - will be going up over the weekend. Follow me there to get notified!
From My Desk: Culture of Ideas
There is a kind of delight in becoming familiar with many subjects. You begin to spot connections between seemingly disparate fields, people, areas of interest. You learn more about your own chosen area of research by seeing the similarities and dissimilarities between it and other areas. It makes you a better thinker, yes, but it is also a lot of fun. And this goes for academic subjects, for sports, for craft — for just about anything.
I loved this essay on the importance of being an amateur.
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Right now I sometimes find myself lamenting the way that the Internet prompts people to scan long nuanced pieces of writing and miss their point entirely, or merely read the top few sentences of those pieces and fire off an opinion based on that. But what if I become really shit at writing endings at some point in the future, after the Internet has exploded?
A hilarious and poignant exploration on what a post-Internet world might look like.
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Exploring the dichotomy between the perspectives of physics and human agency uncovers a paradox: our actions are simultaneously bound by the determinism of physical laws and enriched with intention, purpose and meaning that go beyond them.
A fascinating examination of the intersection between chaos theory and human agency.
Kizuna Studio
July will be another exciting month for our Studio as members continue to explore and grow across a multitude of projects.
Justin Castelli will be giving our monthly guest masterclass on the topic of aligning finances with our authentic life. Olavs Rāciņš will be leading our member workshop.
As always, these events are exclusive to Studio members. If you’d like to join our wonderful community, you can find more information here.
Enjoy a beautiful weekend, everyone. I’ll see you on Monday.